As I read the blogs of my fellow students, I realize how lucky (privileged) I am. My recollections of personally experiencing bias, prejudice or oppression are few and far between. However an incident that sticks with me occurred approximately six months ago. My husband and I decided to spend a Saturday afternoon shopping for a new car. We visited several local dealerships, including one in that has won awards for excellence in customer service. As is customary when you pull into a dealership, a salesman approached us from across the parking lot. He was all smiles and handshakes for my husband and then he proceeded to put himself between us and never acknowledged my presence; never looked at me, never introduced himself and made me feel completely invisible. My husband quickly realized the issue, stopped walking and told the salesman we would come find him if we needed him. We left the dealership without looking at a single car.
I was so angry that I vowed to never return to that dealership again. My husband’s reaction was exactly what I needed, he said, “Guess he lost that commission, he had no idea you were the one buying the car!” Dr. Sue (2010) writes about gender invisibility as the experience of “being unseen, unworthy of recognition, unimportant, powerless, and overlooked” (p.175). Assuming that I was not the person to speak with or that it was not important to acknowledge my presence gave the salesperson all of the power; it was a completely inequitable situation. Dr. Sue’s words describe exactly how I felt that day. The salesman literally acted as if I was the stereotypical “dumb female”. It is entirely possible that he did not even realize what he had done but I am not likely to forget.
In terms of change, I initially believed the salesman to be the only one in the wrong. However, I can now see that we both should have reacted differently. He should have never ignored me but I should have spoken up. At the time, I was too offended to say anything. Today, I can recognize that speaking up might have made me appear to be over-sensitive or paranoid, what Sue refers to as a “Catch 22” (Laureate Education, Inc., 2011). If I had said something, it easily could have led to further marginalization, on the other hand, maybe the salesperson would have apologized!
Laureate Education, Inc. (2011). Microaggressions in Everyday Life [DVD]. Baltimore, MD: Author.
Sue, D. W. (2010). Microaggressions in everyday life: Race, gender, and sexual orientation. New York, NY: Wiley
Great reflection Teri! Sometimes in the heat of the moment it is hard to know what to say or how to react, especially if it catches you off guard as it seemed to in this situation. As a female leader, I experience this a lot! I have found that you have to find the happy medium of making your presence known without seeming over-sensitive or over-bearing. Sometimes it is the way I position my body or my non-verbal language or sometimes it is as straight forward as me clearly stating the expectations. Often times if my husband and I find ourselves in that type of situation he will help guide the other man and state something like, "You are talking to the wrong person. She is the one in charge of making this decision." We are also looking at new cars and have experienced the same thing. We have left 2 car lots as a result of this. I have also found that when I stop on a lot to look at a car by myself that the sales person (has always been a man so far) is not quick to come outside and address me. Is it something wired in the messages of the industry? (Just thinking out loud....)
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