Relationship Reflection

The day we officially became a family (8-9-03)

Relationships are important to me because they help to define who I am as a wife, mother, daughter, friend, professional and educator.  Each relationship that I have is rewarding in its own way.  Through my relationships, I am able to show different parts of myself.

My most important relationships revolve around my family which consists of my husband, son, daughter and step-daughter.  My husband grounds me, he is supportive, caring and has a wonderful sense of humor that keeps me laughing!  For both of us, the key factor in developing our relationship was (and is) communication.  When we met, he was a long-haul truck driver and was often gone for 6-8 weeks at a time.  To say that our relationship was built over many hours on the phone would be an understatement!   After 11 years together, our relationship is stronger than ever, we have a great time together and are enjoying watching our children grow and become amazing young people.



Our three children (plus one boyfriend!)



My children, Kyle, Kelsey and Shelley keep me young!  They are well on their way to having adult lives of their own but they still need me.  They all help me remember what it was like to try to navigate an often confusing world.  My children rely on me for positive reinforcement, love and support.  Little do they know that I count on them for the same things!  I am inspired by my children, they have a sense of community and both spend many hours volunteering in community organizations.  My step-daughter is our oldest and she is just getting her feet wet in the “big, wide world”.  She recently graduated from college and is learning that life after school has its challenges.  Our biggest challenge is knowing when to advise and when to just listen!



The last time we were together (1989)



Equally important is the relationship I have with my best friend, Laura (aka Vinnie) she knows me better than I know myself sometimes and is the only person who remembers me as a teenager!   Our friendship has literally spanned the globe.  We met during high school while living in England, she served a 23 year career in the Air Force and today we are on opposite sides of the country!  We haven’t physically seen each other in 22 years but we talk weekly and e-mail almost daily.  Again, communication is the thread that connects us.  This year, we will finally get to see each other; I cannot wait fly out to see her in November. For us, honesty and understanding are what keeps us growing together.  Our bond is stronger than ever and we are each other’s staunchest ally!  Dr. Sun Wolf once said, “Sometimes, we need a few people in our lives who will calmly call our bluff.”  There is no other statement that describes the relationship I have with Vinnie better than this one!

My professional relationships provide allow me to continuously engage in a profession that I love!  Working in a very small child care resource and referral agency (there is only one other person!) means that I get to meet all kinds of people from all areas of the profession.  Two people in particular have had a huge influence on my professional self.  Barb is a center director and owner who, despite being incredibly busy managing the daily business of a busy child care center, always has time to support me and my program!  We have built a great friendship that is built on professional respect, lots of humor and a love of early childhood education!  Ronni is the mother of two beautiful girls with special needs.  We work together on a project called Pathways to Inclusion which teaches early childhood educators about working with children who have special needs.  She and I have laughed and cried together on more than one occasion and there is no other professional that I have more respect for than her.

In addition to communication, a key factor in all of my relationships is mutual respect.  We may not always agree but we always respect each other and recognize that we are important in each other’s lives.  Distance has been a factor in some of my relationships.  For some, perhaps this is seen as a hindrance.  For me, I recognize distance as an element that requires open, honest reflection and effort on the part of all involved.  If you are not willing to go the extra mile, then it’s not a relationship worth maintaining.

I think relationships become partnerships when the effort put forth is mutually beneficial.   Members of the relationship are partners when they work together to accomplish a common goal.  That goal may be raising children, simply being together or providing support through life’s ups and downs.  As long as the members are able to see the benefits, the partnerships will continue to be refined.  This belief exemplifies the social exchange theory which states, "social relationships depend on the exdchange of resources between the goups and wieghint the costs and benefits" (Halgunseth, 2009, p.57)

I have often said that early childhood is built on relationships.  A true professional is one who can communicate on many levels, with co-workers, children, parents and extended family, with policy makers and community organizations.  In order to partner with all of these individuals, a professional needs to be an active listener, have knowledge of community resources and truly see parents as their child’s first teacher.  Long ago, I learned the importance of being present, simply being available as a resource to others.  I do not need to have all the answers but I do need to be able to act upon what I don’t know.  Because my personal relationships are so strong and help me to remain confident, I am able to apply what I have learned about interpersonal relationships to my professional relationships. 

Halgunseth, L. (2009). Family engagement, diverse families, and an integrated review of the literature. Young Children, 64(5), 56–58. Retrieved from ProQuest Central.